Tiananmen Four-Square

On June 5, 1989, a lone Chinese man stood before tanks and bravely declared, "No double-taps, dead elephants, or cherry bombs."

I Have Proof!

After a night spent drinking tea and discussing the fickleness of the stock market, Jon and I are pleased to inform you - yes, you! - that the PROOF HAS ARRIVED. In my hot little hands, I hold the first (non-digital, non-PDF, non-disappointment-to-Rubinton) copy of Hy Times to see the light of day.

Let me tell you guys - it's beautiful. I cried a little when I picked it up, fortunately mostly into the neck of a very understanding member of the facilities staff who shared an elevator with me.

For all those curious: I'm keeping it in my room, under intense laser-guided security. My roommates and employees have strict orders preventing any and all interlopers from even catching a glimpse of this fabled magazine. If you think you have what it takes to be the next President of Hyena, I officially dare you to come get it.

Two helpful hints:
1. I live off-campus now, in the second alleyway off of the Chinatown main gate on Beach. I'll be home between 11 p.m. and 4 a.m.
2. My building codes and regulations are pretty weird, so your best plan of attack is to come naked, with money and jewels taped to your body. Just a suggestion.

For all of you (wisely) forgoing my challenge, enjoy this picture of myself, naked, holding the magazine proof!

HY TIMES LEAKED!

Ladies, gentlemen, and lovers of chuckles.
I do not believe that it is right to wait for a magazine of such giggleocity.
Such yukkleshtuppen, and such giggleocktometer chiseling amber waves.

So I've done it. I've hacked into the Hyena e-mail, and retrieved the Hy Times file.
And I've posted it here, for you, the viewer to read.

And you can click on it right here.

I apologize other members. But the people must giggle!

EDIT: I have now discovered that what I have in fact posted is a Russian edition of the protocols of the Elders of Zion. Some may say that hubris brought me down. But after reading our own publication, I can only blame the Jews.

Contain Yourselves, Slobbering Fanboys...

Here at Hyena Comedy, we don't do anything for free.
A Rubinton will cost you, unless you're our respected Prez, in whose hallowed presence we are all so fortunate to be permitted to exist.
We are barely resisting the urge to splash the beautiful, arousing pages of Hy Times magazine all over the Interwebz, for all to see and chortle at, but until the imminent printing of our magazine, we simply must refrain.

Written comedy is not print journalism - we can't just be giving this shit away for free.
Right now, anyway.
Of course, once printed, we'll be giving it away for free.

It makes sense. It's logic. It's science. You wouldn't understand.

But, as we are as benevolent here at Hyena as we are charming and attractive, we give you this teaser image.
Please don't touch, and keep your hands above the waist, yeah?

Enjoy!

(P.S. - Alex, please edit your last post. The wrapping's all wrong, and we can't have Internet hooligans thinking we don't know the first thing about HTML. They'll eat our bandwith alive.)