A Bronze Relief of the Mighty Dick Forest

Just try to say "bronze relief of the mighty dick" without getting totally turned on.

Here's a lesson for all of your marketing students. This is how you repackage a product:

So... they're laxatives? "That puffy, hard feeling in my stomach that has made me uncomfortable for years has gone down in just a few days. I felt the difference in my pants and skirts right away." Wow, imagine being constipated for several years. Well now she looks and feels great but she should probably wash her pants and skirts.

What Might Have Been

As the president and legal guardian of this illustrious, irreverent band of misfits, ne'er-do-wells and criminal cases, I am often caught up in the bureaucracy of things, rather than the comedy of it all. Long hours are spent doing things you chuckleteers might find tedious (and let's be honest, utterly unfathomable) such as:
1. Making lists of all the things you haven't done for me lately...
2. Designing our fair publication
3. Sending emails about things to people to request said things so that other people (namely myself) may turn those things into the ultimate thing - the aforementioned fair publication.
4. Desperately trying to remember all of your names

I do, however, find the time in my busy schedule of KiCkAsSeRy!!?! and logistics to create humor of an unparalleled quality so that others might know my might and worship it. When given an assignment for the best Freakin' Beakin this college will have ever seen, one cannot take it lightly - visual jokes must be made with careful thought, ruthless aplomb and a fierce dedication to the core of humor reflected in the article it accompanies.

Needless to say, the following photo features none of those things.

But I still think it's pretty fucking funny.

Enjoy.

Tiananmen Four-Square

On June 5, 1989, a lone Chinese man stood before tanks and bravely declared, "No double-taps, dead elephants, or cherry bombs."

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down your fourth wall!

here's a cartoon we can all relate to!

Headline: Emerson Women's Teams Win Most Redundant Trophy in College History

Boston, MA-- Celebrations abound in Emerson College's small but rabid athletics department, where the Lady Lions have been awarded the Great Northeast Athletic Conference Commissioner's Cup. The GNAC Cup, formerly named the Harlem Globetrotters Collegiate Wankery Award, rewards the winningest team in the entire Conference with, ironically, another trophy. Athletics Director Kristin Parnell said of the achievement, at a May 26th press conference: "We were really only winning to win this award. It was our goal throughout the whole season[...]This plaque is what validates all of our hard-fought victories in actual games, playoffs, and tournaments."
Sports fans will know that the GNAC award is notable in itself--it recently captured the Great Northeast Athletic Conference Commisioner's Cup Commisioner's award for the "Most Redundant Collegiate Award", placing just ahead of the "Most Eating Contests Won" Banquet Dinner. The award ceremony was held in the midst of a Miss America pageant, which was itself being held within an episode of American Idol. All of them are equally frivolous separately, but when nested within each other they became a grand Russian doll of pomp and circumstance.
The Lady Lions held their hard-earned celebratory mixer at a hotel ballroom in Boston, and will be holding a mixer to celebarate the previous mixer's success this August in the same location.

(Source article here. I will never understand the mechanics of awards, but fortunately I will never have to.)