Mr. Gorbachev, tear down your fourth wall!

The Greatest Post Ever

I am going to write a post combing all of my favorite tags together.

These tags are... 

cormac mccarthy is an excellent writer,

gonzalo cordova,  

more dick jokes, 

monkeys, 

watchmen, 

dominatrix stories,

call to arms,

old timey times,

movie reviews,

poop jokes

So let's get all of the nouns out of the way. Gonzalo Cordova, our old Treasurer/VP/All Around Awesome Fella in Watchmen, in advice given by Cormac McCarthy.

So let's go!

‘Gonzalo’s Journal. May 18th. Poop found in an empty alley. Ooh! A dominatrix! Both of these things in the 1920’s can be quite tough. Especially if the dominatrix is a monkey. Monkeys are much stronger than humans. And they don’t understand English. All of my safewords are useless against the might of a dominatrix chimp whipping me in an erotic rage. Hrm. I’m thinking of my penis right now, and all the hilarious things it could do were it given the chance. Unfortunately dicks are rarely given real chances at comedy. Cormac McCarhy I believe observed this in his Oprah Award Winning Novel ‘The Road’. I mean, that’s what that book is about right? The movie version doesn’t come out for a couple of months, but were I to see it, I’d give it 3 out of 5 stars. Didn’t have enough dominatrix chimps. Now I, Gonzalo Cordova, have to stop the doomsday clock. And who’s killing capes? Too many superheroes dead, surrounded by monkey fur and leather handcuffs. In the words of the bible, as interpreted by a man chewing something: 'Hrrmrmrmrm!'’

Greatest post ever!?

Bitter Watchmen Review

When I first read Watchmen back in high school, I liked it well enough, but I felt like something was missing. And that something was a guy getting his arms chopped off with a chainsaw or bones flying through arms. 'So overrated! This is the worst superhero /slasher comic ever!', I said. Thank goodness Zack Snyder picked up on this and amended it in the movie.

Likewise, when I adapt 1984, instead of having Big Brother brainwash Winston, I'm going to have him gracefully hack apart his head with a cleaver. Its more artistic that way.