The Greatest Post Ever

I am going to write a post combing all of my favorite tags together.

These tags are... 

cormac mccarthy is an excellent writer,

gonzalo cordova,  

more dick jokes, 

monkeys, 

watchmen, 

dominatrix stories,

call to arms,

old timey times,

movie reviews,

poop jokes

So let's get all of the nouns out of the way. Gonzalo Cordova, our old Treasurer/VP/All Around Awesome Fella in Watchmen, in advice given by Cormac McCarthy.

So let's go!

‘Gonzalo’s Journal. May 18th. Poop found in an empty alley. Ooh! A dominatrix! Both of these things in the 1920’s can be quite tough. Especially if the dominatrix is a monkey. Monkeys are much stronger than humans. And they don’t understand English. All of my safewords are useless against the might of a dominatrix chimp whipping me in an erotic rage. Hrm. I’m thinking of my penis right now, and all the hilarious things it could do were it given the chance. Unfortunately dicks are rarely given real chances at comedy. Cormac McCarhy I believe observed this in his Oprah Award Winning Novel ‘The Road’. I mean, that’s what that book is about right? The movie version doesn’t come out for a couple of months, but were I to see it, I’d give it 3 out of 5 stars. Didn’t have enough dominatrix chimps. Now I, Gonzalo Cordova, have to stop the doomsday clock. And who’s killing capes? Too many superheroes dead, surrounded by monkey fur and leather handcuffs. In the words of the bible, as interpreted by a man chewing something: 'Hrrmrmrmrm!'’

Greatest post ever!?

Perfectly Serviceable Ways to Utilize a Dominatrix in your Story: Part One

As a writer you have many challenges, the greatest of which is how to put your dominatrix into a story in a way that is both flattering and respectful. I know when I was penning my last Oprah Award winning novel, The Road, I racked my brain and slaved for weeks attempting to put my dominatrix, Madame Y, into the story  but I failed. Ultimately, I've learned from my mistakes, and below is the first of many examples of perfectly serviceable ways to utilize a dominatrix in your story!

Part One

The Dominatrix gets a new client, a multi dimensional imp. As she abuses him, he cackles in a vile manner, but not before jumping into a porthole back to his backwards dimension. Angry at being denied her pay, the dominatrix jumps after him. The dominatrix now lives in a world where up is down and down is up, where cats are dogs and dogs are lazy dogs, a backworlds world. She tries to start her business again, but pain is already pleasure in the other dimension, and she finds herself throwing away her whip and chains to try to find a new line of work. However, because down is up, when she throws the chains away, the fly up and whip God in the face. Enraged, God comes down to yell at her, but finds her dominatrix charms irresistable. He returns the dominatrix to her dimension, her wages restored, to whip submissive men another day.

User Rating: 4 out of 5

Casting if Story is to be Optioned as Movie:

Kristen Schaal as The Dominatrix
Eugene Mirman as The Imp
God as Himself

Hope this helps you out young writers!

-Cormac McCarthy