Thursday, March 12, 2009

Poop Jokes: An Eager Defense

I’ve been writing jokes for a long time people, good jokes, bad jokes, confusing jokes and poorly worded jokes, and one thing I’ve found in my experience is that no joke beats the poop joke. One can’t be sure why that is, or what about the poop joke is so immediately eye catching and chuckle inducing. 
         The formula is simple, you take an every day situation, such as oh, a gentleman buying a fine monocle, fill him with the utmost grace, polish and dignity, and, when the moment strikes, the gentleman poops his pants. A pants drop may also work, one particularly with a slide whistle sound effect placed for comic effect, yet the poop joke is crueler, and deeper. It betrays our faliure to ourselves as human beings and our faliure to ourselves as men, as we crawl back to our infancy, the poop joke illuminates all, makes kings of fools and fools of kings.

   Watch the poop joke improve these once classic masterpieces. Let’s begin with Waiting for Godot.

(coldly.) There are times when I wonder if it wouldn't be better for us to part.
You wouldn't go far. 

(A brief pause ensues. A loud fart rings out. It seems Vladimir has pooped himself.)

Already the qaulity of Becket’s existential masterpiece is improved while sacrificing none of the message. The sad nature of Waiting for Godot is only improved if you realize that not only are Vladimir and Estragon leading meaningless lives, but one of them is leading a meaningless life with poop in his pants! The message is only strengthened. You are welcome Mr. Beckett.

While we are in the realm of absurdist theatre, let us consider Eugene Ionesco’s amazing Rhinoceros, a story which shows us a society which follows the will of a mass who itself does not understand what it follows, using an enraged herd of rhinoceros as its metaphor. I believe that Ionesco, as to not to shock the rather conservative audience at the time, has chosen not to illustrate the massive amount of poop that such a mass of free roaming animals would create, as he may be called a 'libertine'. But only a fool would disagree that Rhinoceros is not improved if one imagines, that as Berenger is giving his final impassioned speech he is all the while, slipping about on animal feces, most likely comically swinging his arms about, stumbling about and going 'a-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!'.

Again, we also have to understand that some people are simply too cool to poop themselves. Take for example Holden Caufield from J.D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye. Were he to defecate himself, it would be tragic. Was a passing hobo to poop himself, ‘chuckles aplenty’ would be simply the only way to fairly describe it. This, I’ve found is the way to go. Poop jokes applied to real people are rarely funny. Gahndi, Martin Luther King jr. and Charlie Chaplin are all not very amusing when pooping (I assume this is why Chaplin worked silent. He knew once the world realizing he cannot make a noisy poo funny, it would abandon him very swiftly. This is very similar to the silent film actors’ poor voices and their finished careers in the sound era.). However real celebrity figures such as Brad Pitt, J. Lo and killer robots are all very amusing when doing the act so described. So there are indeed exceptions to the rule. 

Ladies, gentlemen. Some have attempted to dethrone the poop joke, particularly on Hyena, whose president and constituents have made the rather absurd claim that the dick joke is funnier. I can’t completely disagree with it, it has it merits, as proven by the maste Samuel Beckett himself:

What about hanging ourselves?
Hmm. It'd give us an erection.
(highly excited). An erection! 

To the superficial observer this is quite comical. But an erection can often lead to intercourse, which can lead to babies, the most horrifying creature of all!

I invite any Hyena to come on this blog, and prove me wrong about the dick vs. poop joke debate! Prove me wrong friends, prove me wrong!

No comments:

Post a Comment