Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I Have Proof!

After a night spent drinking tea and discussing the fickleness of the stock market, Jon and I are pleased to inform you - yes, you! - that the PROOF HAS ARRIVED. In my hot little hands, I hold the first (non-digital, non-PDF, non-disappointment-to-Rubinton) copy of Hy Times to see the light of day.

Let me tell you guys - it's beautiful. I cried a little when I picked it up, fortunately mostly into the neck of a very understanding member of the facilities staff who shared an elevator with me.

For all those curious: I'm keeping it in my room, under intense laser-guided security. My roommates and employees have strict orders preventing any and all interlopers from even catching a glimpse of this fabled magazine. If you think you have what it takes to be the next President of Hyena, I officially dare you to come get it.

Two helpful hints:
1. I live off-campus now, in the second alleyway off of the Chinatown main gate on Beach. I'll be home between 11 p.m. and 4 a.m.
2. My building codes and regulations are pretty weird, so your best plan of attack is to come naked, with money and jewels taped to your body. Just a suggestion.

For all of you (wisely) forgoing my challenge, enjoy this picture of myself, naked, holding the magazine proof!


  1. Please, I already have a copy.


  2. Also, please,a backwards copy of Hy Times? I hope you take us not for rubes/Rubeintons.

  3. I also thought it important to mention that your roommate and employees have strict orders preventing any and all antelopers from even catching a glimpse of this fabled magazine as well.

  4. That's not even a change for them. I've had a strict No Anteloper rule for years now. Ever since the accident.