Saturday, May 23, 2009

Molly's 9/11 Adventures: Chapter One

Coming Soon from Regent Books, based on the hit Blogger Tag.

Molly's 9/11 Adventures
A Molly Coombs Girl Detective Novel 
Chapter One by Children's Author/America's Favorite Pervert Alex 'The Emiko' Firer

It was a bright January morning, the year was 2001, and America was soon to enter a glorious new age of prosperity and glory under its newfound president and Emperor George Walker Bush. As the mighty leader sat on his throne he commanded to his humorously bungling cabinet: 'Gentlemen, I do not want to repeat the errors of the past administration. So number one, nobody blow me.' The cabinet solmenly nodded their heads in reluctant approval, Rumsfeld himself stifling a tear*. 'Now what super important things should I know before I take office?' Cheney approached the president, plants around him wilting as he passed them, and handed him a document containing a laserdisk. 'Mr. President, upon this laserdisk is contained very frightening DVD footage which may be a portent! Our country, without our involvement, may be under attack in the next two years  by radical Islamic terrorists! It is up to us to up airport security and protect the lives of innocent Americans. lest we involve the nation in an imbroglio that has not been seen ever before in all of our history!' The President rubbed his chin. 'Kikenose McGee**, you got some good points there, but if I busy myself with this, animals may get the right to vote! And this just cannot be!' Colin Powell slyly winked at the cabinet, so they keep mum on Supreme Court Ruling 'Bojangles v. The Voting Laws of California'. The President turned around and grinned. 'Plus, I'm finally teaching myself to read!' Bush then whipped out a copy of 'Are You My Mother' from his drawer and looked at it with love. Condoleeze Rice stepped forward 'Now Mr. President, you know this knowledge will lead you to nothing but trouble.' Bush laughed her off and looked deep into the pictures. 'Books teach me a lot, and if Nancy Drew taught me anything, these kinds of matters are best handled by little girls and their hilariously charming friends. So find me a little girl! But if this administration is about one thing, its about hipness! Find me this lass of hipster potential!' 'Sir yes sir', the cabinter shouted and all tried to make their way out of the door at the same time, getting stuck in it for a hilarious 20 seconds, and then making their way out, to enact Bush's glorious mission.

MEANWHILE! AT HIPSTER JUNIOR HIGH, a private school named after John Q Hipster (seen here), a young sixth grader and amateur sleuth, Molly Coombs (6th grade, right? Year 2001?), was busy getting ready for her HIPSTERS IN HISTORY midterm when the PA system rang out: 'Molly Coombs! This is Principal Trendington! Ms. Coombs! The President needs your help!' Molly's hero needed her help! Molly, saluted the P.A. in the hippest manner imaginable and ran off to her new adventure!

TO BE CONTINUED!!!! (By anyone. Y'all! Continue this!)

*Famously, Rupert Murdoch would break this edict on more than a couple of occasions.
**The President's endearing nickname for Cheney

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