Friday, May 22, 2009

Update from Molly's Vacation, No. 1

Many things have happened since I bid you all a drunken farewell at the Last Final End-of-the-Year Hyena Party Part II. I have consumed a number of questionable substances to varying degrees of success (varying between 'awesome' and 'awesomekickasserton') but I have neither the time or short-term memory to relate them to you here - check them out in my forthcoming memoirs "Nicotine and Willpower" due out in fall '10 on Regnery Books. That's a political joke, chucklemites.

This, however, happened about 10 minutes ago over our second poorman's pina colada (for future reference, what makes them milky-colored? Is it milk? I hate milk. Mine's disappointingly orange in color but delightfully rum-my.)

Apparently, all varieties of drugs hit suburban Delware in the 50s and 60s with sudden force and my devil-may-care mother indulged her fair share. What does this mean, exactly?

My mother was born in 1952.
She was 15 in 1967.

Why is this relevant?

My mother tried heroin. Intervenously. When she was 15 years old.

Now, I've never injected heroin, but my surviving peers who have insist its like this:

(i.e. Totally sweet)

My mother, on the other hand, insists that it was more like this:


(i.e. Passed out from five hours)

Enough! I have more drinking and eventual driving to get to! I was mostly just tired of checking this blog with such high hopes only to see Alex's damn dinosaur puns again.

6 comments:

  1. So all I have to do to get people to update regularly is put up very bad entries?! I can do that!

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  2. HEY MOLLY, I HAVE A DRUG BOOK COMING OUT TOO IT IS CALLED THE AUDACITY OF DOPE AND YES WE COCAIN! OH SNAP! BAD JOKES!

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  3. It should be called "Yes We Cannabis," obviously.
    Your drug puns leave something to be desired.

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  4. Whatever. Under socialist and drug czar Obama, we will all soon be reading... wait for it... The Cannabis Manifesto!!!!!!

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  5. This was the 50th entry on the blog btw...

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  6. Lulz to the 50th.

    Also, Molly's mom is clearly badass enough to do heroin if she was badass enough to squeeze Molly out of her tummy tube.

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