Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Craft of the Month: November!

Hey there kiddlins! It's your old pal Crappo back from rehab with a brand new lease on life. This month I will be taking Step 1 and apologizing to you for all the horrible things I did during my time of darkness...WITH A CRAFT!

Did you ever wish you could eat your Cocoa Sugar Smacky Puffs Cereal Product out of something other than a boring old bowl? What about something like the bottom of someone's skull?!

Human skull, dead and de-eyeballed (available at ethnic supermarkets)
Carrot peeler
Electronic mixer
Fine-grit sandpaper

1. Flay the skin from the bone. For this you may use a "chop and peel" technique, or simply scrape it away layer by layer with the carrot peeler.
2. Remove the excess bone. Using the cleaver, chop the skull off just above the eye sockets. Some may wish to keep the face bones for dramatic effect. If this is the case, use the brainstem hole as a starting point to slowly sand away an opening large enough for your mixer.
3. Use the electronic mixer to liquefy the brains. You may want to get a parent to help you with this part. The brain slurry can be used as a fertilizer for your butterfly garden or as a base for delicious gravy.
4. Sand the skull's surface smooth. Make sure to wash it thoroughly when you are done to remove all the bone dust.
5. Go to jail for 40 years.
6. When you get out on good behavior, pour yourself a bowl of your favorite sugary corn cereal and settle in for a Flintstones-filled Saturday morning while your mother cries silently in the background!

Stay tuned for old Crappo's next craft, and DARE to resist drugs and alcohol!

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