Hey there kiddlins! It's your old pal Crappo back from rehab with a brand new lease on life. This month I will be taking Step 1 and apologizing to you for all the horrible things I did during my time of darkness...WITH A CRAFT!
Did you ever wish you could eat your Cocoa Sugar Smacky Puffs Cereal Product out of something other than a boring old bowl? What about something like the bottom of someone's skull?!
Materials
Human skull, dead and de-eyeballed (available at ethnic supermarkets)
Carrot peeler
Cleaver
Electronic mixer
Fine-grit sandpaper
Steps
1. Flay the skin from the bone. For this you may use a "chop and peel" technique, or simply scrape it away layer by layer with the carrot peeler.
2. Remove the excess bone. Using the cleaver, chop the skull off just above the eye sockets. Some may wish to keep the face bones for dramatic effect. If this is the case, use the brainstem hole as a starting point to slowly sand away an opening large enough for your mixer.
3. Use the electronic mixer to liquefy the brains. You may want to get a parent to help you with this part. The brain slurry can be used as a fertilizer for your butterfly garden or as a base for delicious gravy.
4. Sand the skull's surface smooth. Make sure to wash it thoroughly when you are done to remove all the bone dust.
5. Go to jail for 40 years.
6. When you get out on good behavior, pour yourself a bowl of your favorite sugary corn cereal and settle in for a Flintstones-filled Saturday morning while your mother cries silently in the background!
Stay tuned for old Crappo's next craft, and DARE to resist drugs and alcohol!
Showing posts with label craft of the month. Show all posts
Showing posts with label craft of the month. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Fun with Paintbrush (a fond farewell to terbush)
Jon is a Blockhead. Molly is surprised.
Jon is a Luddite. Molly is in it for the fashion.
Jon is not amused. Molly is irrelevant.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
How to See Titties Everywhere - A Hyena Craft
Hey now, boys and girls! Crappo the Clown here, with a fun Hyena Magazine "Craft 'O The Month" to keep your obnoxious traps quiet for two hours! Today's craft will allow you to see tittilating titties wherever your eye may roam, from at preschool to your very own home!
Materials:
Empty toilet paper tube
Eyes
Instructions:
1. Put the paper towel tube up to your eye.
2. Stand directly in front of a circular object. This can be a wall sconce, the sun, an actual boob, your father, etc.
3. Look through the tube, centering the object evenly from all sides of the tube. You've got yourself a tittie right there!
How Does It Work?
The basic structure of a boob looks like this:
So when you are putting the tube up to your eye, you are creating the outer-rim of the boob, or what jug experts call the "soft perimeter". The circular object you are looking at is the areola, or "hard perimeter". It's as simple as that! Except you didn't think of it, old Crappo did.
Materials:
Empty toilet paper tube
Eyes
Instructions:
1. Put the paper towel tube up to your eye.
2. Stand directly in front of a circular object. This can be a wall sconce, the sun, an actual boob, your father, etc.
3. Look through the tube, centering the object evenly from all sides of the tube. You've got yourself a tittie right there!
How Does It Work?
The basic structure of a boob looks like this:
So when you are putting the tube up to your eye, you are creating the outer-rim of the boob, or what jug experts call the "soft perimeter". The circular object you are looking at is the areola, or "hard perimeter". It's as simple as that! Except you didn't think of it, old Crappo did.
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