George and Martha's Nostrils: Nipples?

VSYou tell me.

Oh yeah, NSFW.

Headline: Barbara Ehrenreich Masturbates All Over UC Commencement Ceremony

Barbara Ehrenreich Masturbates All Over UC Commencement Ceremony
Journalism Students Appalled, Aroused

Berkeley, CA-- Barbara Ehrenreich took the podium at UC Berkeley's School of Journalism Commencement Ceremonies yesterday and welcomed the graduates into "a dying field". She then proceeded to take out her penis and masturbate furiously. Students reportedly felt their dignity, self-confidence, and youthful hope drain from their just-graduated souls as Ehrenreich told them they would never see prosperity or economic comfort in their field. As she blew her load, the reputed journalist told the students that she was getting paid to write about exactly what they were going to become: penniless, disenfranchised shells of human beings, hearts hollowed by the tough economic times faced in our nation. The students were clearly humiliated, tears mingling with semen, but Ms. Ehrenreich was not one to disappoint. Her speech went to inform the students that now that they were graduated journalists they, too, could masturbate about their professions. One by one the fledgling reporters, writers, and editors reached cautiously into their robes and began to pleasure themselves as their fearless commencement speaker went on to tell them: "As long as there is a story to be told, an injustice to be exposed, a mystery to be solved, we will find a way to do it." Nearing the end of her speech, Ms. Ehrenreich jumped down into the front row of students and began jerking off Andy Andrew vigorously. The Class of 2009 raised their voices in a cry of "we will not be stopped!" and came as one all over the soccer field. UC Berkeley's two working-class janitors with five children each and no health insurance were forced to work overtime without pay to clean up the mess.

(Barbara Ehrenreich's commencement speech can be read here.)

Craft of the Month!

Un-see this.

Dinosaur Porn (or, Tea-Bag Rex)

No one should be greeted by a photo of dinosaurs humping.

Unless you are entering into a dinosaur threesome, and you are in fact a dinosaur.

This text is meant to protect you from the horrors to come.

But isn't pictoral pornography the game of the boor? Let me instead tittilate you with steamy tales of dinosaur affection. Shall we begin?

She enters the clearing, the blood of the mighty stegosaurus swarmed about her face. KRAWWW!, she screams sensually, her heaving scaly tail swinging about, her leathery eyelids seductively open all the way to reveal a delectable dead reptilian eye. Paul wasn't ready for this. After all, he was just a young virgin Pizzasaurus Boy who never knew delivering this freshly killed carcass would get him to sleep with the hottest ODILBW (Older Dinosaur I'd Like to Breed With) this side of the Cretacious. Then he remembered that the cretacious is a time period, and not necessarily a landscape, and thus cannot have sides. This thought promptly killed his erection.

The Odilf however was not stopped by this, and begun a striptease for the boy. However, as dinosaurs do not wear clothes, she prompltly commenced the stripping off of her skin, to reveal the blood and muscles underneath. It trickled through her, her throbbing veins, her small intestine, inviting the young pizzasaurus to enter the mighty realm of vaginal dinosaur intercourse! 'KRAWW', she cried, more invitingly than before.

TO BE CONTINUED!

I hope you got off to that. Because there will someday maybe possibly be MORE TO COME!!!

Including 

-- The Ice Age! Is that at all arousing? The Ice Age?

-- Dinosaurs using hapless cavemen as anal beads

-- Raaaar! Raaaar! Raaar!

Is this funny?

Here is a skit that makes nobody laugh except me! What do you readers think?

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

This is an 80’s Porn Shoot, complete with shitty jazz music

and the like. Lonely housewife, JAZZMINE, 29, rubs teenage

boy’s PAUL’s, 19, chest. Both are clothed.

PAUL

Wait a second...

Paul looks down at his crotch. Close up on Paul’s face as he

speaks to the audience.

PAUL (CONT’D)

Guys! I have a boner!

A gorilla suit and a bunch of go go dancers come in and

dance.

Paul picks up the phone and dials.

FANCY OFFICIAL

Hello, National Boner Hating

Association! How may I help you?

PAUL

Guys, I have a boner!

FANCY OFFICIAL

Who is this!? How dare you insult

the Boner Hating Association with

this outrageous phone call! Why I

oughta-

Paul slams the phone! He runs over to Jazzmine.

PAUL

I have to put this into my novel!

Paul opens up his moleskin.

PAUL

Protagonist... has... boner. Yes,

yes, this is very insightful.

Ahh... Hmm. Look out Cormac

McCarthy. Hmm. I don’t think the

Road has any boners, yes. No boners

in ‘The Road’.

Paul closes the moleskin. He smiles for a beat. Then his face

grows morbidly serious.

PAUL (CONT’D)

I hate myself so much.

FADE OUT:

British. Porn.

Your eyes do not deceive you! I have been gathering and watching a hell of a lot of 1970s-and-earlier porn lately for a media production project (or is this just a cover for my ratlike hoarding of sexy movies in order to feed a debilitating addiction?). The most positively classic porno I have found so far is a British one from the 70's, so high-class it goes without so much as a title. However, the company which produced it is called "Sexangle". It's logo is a triangle with a naked lady's legs incorporated. Like I said, high-class!
Perhaps you have seen Family Guy's parody of British porn. This is funny because it seems true. You will laugh even harder to know that IT IS TRUE! The people in this movie have voices that could kill the hardest of hard-ons and dry the wettest of vulvas. You know i'm only posting about this because.....I have sound clips!

I'm not even going to go into the music, especially in the second clip. But do you see what I mean with the voices? It sounds like they're making plans for a droll daytrip or discussing how they'll divy up the work on their upcoming business trip. I don't know, maybe the idea of a firm schedule of events is hot in England? One more thing I want to show you before I go is the ending screen:Until next time, smoking penis!