Alex Firer is the World's Greatest Intern

Hello Potential Alex Firer employers! I am Alex Firer. And I am the greatest intern in the world. I can do all forms of menial activities, from coffee to Rubintons. You do not believe me, here's a quote I'm pretending John Terbush said:

'Alex is a master of coffee and the Rubinton. He is also, by far and wide, the greatest chucklemeister in the world. Now if you don't mind I have to do something very embarrasing involivng this toy poodle. Please look away.'

-Jonothan Terbush, Hyena Editor in Chief, SSN: 814-34-0930

Well I've watched, and the very fact that the poodle shouted my name, is merely another sign of my eternal greatness.

Did you know I myself coined the cool kids' term 'Chimperialism' while masturbating on the moon and filling out my taxes? Because I didn't.

Here are some things I wish my peers said about me.

'He's like a talented version of me.'

-Rubinton

'We only wish we could be Alex. But unfortunately this is not something we as mortals could do.'

-Molly

'He was pretty responsible and got things in on time. He never began to quietly weep at the table and thought no one noticed him. Nope. That's something weird people do.'

-Emma

I am also master of the poop joke, the superior poop joke, and the super superior poop joke, which is just shoting the word poop as a vein bursts in your forehead. Very very funny.

All in all, I am a hero. Do not let this chance go through your fingers College Humorous Mad Onion Queda Magazine! Do not let this go!

Contain Yourselves, Slobbering Fanboys...

Here at Hyena Comedy, we don't do anything for free.
A Rubinton will cost you, unless you're our respected Prez, in whose hallowed presence we are all so fortunate to be permitted to exist.
We are barely resisting the urge to splash the beautiful, arousing pages of Hy Times magazine all over the Interwebz, for all to see and chortle at, but until the imminent printing of our magazine, we simply must refrain.

Written comedy is not print journalism - we can't just be giving this shit away for free.
Right now, anyway.
Of course, once printed, we'll be giving it away for free.

It makes sense. It's logic. It's science. You wouldn't understand.

But, as we are as benevolent here at Hyena as we are charming and attractive, we give you this teaser image.
Please don't touch, and keep your hands above the waist, yeah?

Enjoy!

(P.S. - Alex, please edit your last post. The wrapping's all wrong, and we can't have Internet hooligans thinking we don't know the first thing about HTML. They'll eat our bandwith alive.)

The Greatest Post Ever

I am going to write a post combing all of my favorite tags together.

These tags are... 

cormac mccarthy is an excellent writer,

gonzalo cordova,  

more dick jokes, 

monkeys, 

watchmen, 

dominatrix stories,

call to arms,

old timey times,

movie reviews,

poop jokes

So let's get all of the nouns out of the way. Gonzalo Cordova, our old Treasurer/VP/All Around Awesome Fella in Watchmen, in advice given by Cormac McCarthy.

So let's go!

‘Gonzalo’s Journal. May 18th. Poop found in an empty alley. Ooh! A dominatrix! Both of these things in the 1920’s can be quite tough. Especially if the dominatrix is a monkey. Monkeys are much stronger than humans. And they don’t understand English. All of my safewords are useless against the might of a dominatrix chimp whipping me in an erotic rage. Hrm. I’m thinking of my penis right now, and all the hilarious things it could do were it given the chance. Unfortunately dicks are rarely given real chances at comedy. Cormac McCarhy I believe observed this in his Oprah Award Winning Novel ‘The Road’. I mean, that’s what that book is about right? The movie version doesn’t come out for a couple of months, but were I to see it, I’d give it 3 out of 5 stars. Didn’t have enough dominatrix chimps. Now I, Gonzalo Cordova, have to stop the doomsday clock. And who’s killing capes? Too many superheroes dead, surrounded by monkey fur and leather handcuffs. In the words of the bible, as interpreted by a man chewing something: 'Hrrmrmrmrm!'’

Greatest post ever!?

Is this funny?

Here is a skit that makes nobody laugh except me! What do you readers think?

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

This is an 80’s Porn Shoot, complete with shitty jazz music

and the like. Lonely housewife, JAZZMINE, 29, rubs teenage

boy’s PAUL’s, 19, chest. Both are clothed.

PAUL

Wait a second...

Paul looks down at his crotch. Close up on Paul’s face as he

speaks to the audience.

PAUL (CONT’D)

Guys! I have a boner!

A gorilla suit and a bunch of go go dancers come in and

dance.

Paul picks up the phone and dials.

FANCY OFFICIAL

Hello, National Boner Hating

Association! How may I help you?

PAUL

Guys, I have a boner!

FANCY OFFICIAL

Who is this!? How dare you insult

the Boner Hating Association with

this outrageous phone call! Why I

oughta-

Paul slams the phone! He runs over to Jazzmine.

PAUL

I have to put this into my novel!

Paul opens up his moleskin.

PAUL

Protagonist... has... boner. Yes,

yes, this is very insightful.

Ahh... Hmm. Look out Cormac

McCarthy. Hmm. I don’t think the

Road has any boners, yes. No boners

in ‘The Road’.

Paul closes the moleskin. He smiles for a beat. Then his face

grows morbidly serious.

PAUL (CONT’D)

I hate myself so much.

FADE OUT:

HY TIMES IS FINISHED! LET THE PEOPLE CELEBRATE!

Longfellow and Mortimer

Hiya folks! It seems a shame for this blog to remain stagnant for so long, but we're busy creating and crafting the ingenius 'Hy Times', Hyena throughout history!

In the meanwhile, here's a very funny film from our old VP, Gonzalo Cordova. I deem it chuckle worthy.

What I learned in Hyena today

9/11 jokes are offensive.

Jon likes to get drunk, wear women's clothing, and then make people watch him poop.

In Russia, Pokemon catch you.

Merril was obviously a very unpopular African American in the segregated South.

Dan is a dick when it comes to Pokemon (Mewtwo uses Splash!)

The new axis of evil is Molly, Hitler, and the Shamwow guy.