How to succeed in business without really trying

Run Fat Boy Run

Blue ballz

Boner Blog Update

Boner Blog Update
Time: 8:30 PM
Cause: Writer's Block
Resolution: Wrote about Sperm
Notes: No one laughed that day.

It's not the size of the wand, it's how you use it

Mmm Mmm Good!

The New Trix Swirls!

First, allow me to apologize for posting a link to YTMND on this blog. I made it. I am only doing this because my video-editing skills are not good enough to make it for realsies. Just watch my animated .gif synched with sound and suspend your disbelief, then return for discussion.

http://trixswirls.ytmnd.com/

If you watch Nickelodeon at all, you have seen this commercial. If you haven't, here is a link. I need to ask you all a question: What were they thinking in casting?! This is a commercial which implies swirling two colors together--why didn't they think of that when they cast one black kid and one white kid? This is hilarious!

My theory is that they originally set out to make the joke that I did in the above YTMND. PR saw the thing and immediately said how "totally fucking racist" it was. The director argued that it "really isn't so racist", because black people's skin is one color and white people's skin is another. PR fired him, but kept the intellectual rights to his idea. He went home to his wife and had to tell her the bad news: he'd lost another childrens' cereal commercial job to his edgy artistic vision.

Tiananmen Four-Square

On June 5, 1989, a lone Chinese man stood before tanks and bravely declared, "No double-taps, dead elephants, or cherry bombs."

Magic in the Air

Happy 4th of July Hyena!!!

Kim Jong Il loves you!

Crotch Rocket (or how I learned to stop worrying and love the firecracker)

Celebrate the 4th of July safely, you'll need your fingers for later!

Quick Boner Diary Update

When: 6/3/09, 10:11 AM
Cause: Raganork
Result: Death of the Old Gods

Rubinton on the Run: A Screenplay Outline

ACT ONE:

1. Meet Daniel Rubinton, normal everyday fella, likes to eat snacks and sleep just like all of his animal friends, when suddenlly a monkey dies and he feels like running.

ACT TWO

Daniel Rubinton runs a lot, when he finds out that monkey was in fact his twin step brother. This confuses him, so he runs even faster. Then his feet fall off. This is the LOWEST POINT.

ACT THREE

Rubinton's foot meet's his monkey twin step brother in heaven and together they tell Rubinton to keep running, cheering him on. Rubinton crosses the finish line [CLIMAX] and tells everyone that life is like a race, and we have to do everything in our power to win.

FADE OUT

Boner Diary Highlights- #1

Time: 11:02 am

Cause: My penis has run off from my body forcing me to chase it naked through the street in a hilarious, almost Chaplinesque sequence. In order to be able to run, the penis must be erect.

Resolution: When I found it, I yelled at it*, causing it to cum tears.

Notes: Should this be what Rubinton is 'on the run' from in my screenplay**? So far I only have 28 pages describing his running in one giant block. Should write this down.

Time: 2:54 AM

Cause: Vanna White on 'Wheel of Fortune'.

Resoultion: Masturbate to Vanna White. Wheel of Fortune ends and a juicer infomercial begins. I do not stop masturbating.

Time: 28 O'Clock

Cause: Bizzaro time has caused my intestines to confuse themselves with one another, and the blood within all human bodies runs willy nilly, making us feel like our skulls could explode, our eye pop open, and us get boners for no reason.

Resolution: Defeat the villanous Dr. Spigman and his time revolving ray and cause time, humanity, and my boners to return back to normal.

Time: 13 O'Clock

Cause: At first I think Dr. Spigman is at it again! In fact however, I am in Europe, and am for some reason excited by a clock.

Resolution: Try to pick up the languague and the culture a little. Failing at that, I try to translate Rubinton on the Run into French. Aka: 'Rubintone a la Run!'

*Originally I planned to beat it mercillesly. But that's kind of a masturbation joke, ain't it? I don't know what you people want from the boner blog...

**'Rubinton on the Run'